Our Saviour Is Born
by XIV.XV
Summary: This is a late Christmas story. It is a parody about the birth of Jesus. Please Read and Review!


Hello All!

I DO NOT own VII in any way other than some keychains, plushies, and things of that nature.

A/N: This was written for my friend, Kris, as a Christmas gift and I have finally had the time to redo it. I hope that you enjoy it.

By Leash

* * *

The Angel Zack was sent from the heavens to the woman Tifa in the village of Icicle Inn, while she was returning from the market.

"Greetings favored one, Lord Valentine is with you!"

"What the--? Turn down the lights! I can't even see you!" Tifa replied covering her eyes from Zack's glow.

"Lord Valentine has taken a great interest in you," The angel continued, ignoring the woman. "You shall have a child and you shall name him Sephiroth."

"What? I don't even like that name! And how am I to have a child when I'm not married yet?"

Zack smiled, "Vincent himself shall give you his child through the Holy Spirit, therefore, you will become known as the virgin mother."

"Wait. . . I'm going to get pregnant, and the only thing I get out of it is giving birth? No thank you."

Zack, getting frustrated, replied, "Well, our Lord Vincent has chosen you out of everyone, you should be more appreciative."

"Yeah, but it's not even him! It's his--his lackey!"

"To bad," Zack said, now serious. "You will give birth to Vincent's child whether you want to or not, _and_ you will name him Sephiroth! Okay?"

With a glare that could have shot lasers through the angel, had they been discovered then, Tifa whipped around and marched back to her house where her soon to be husband, Cloud, was waiting.

"Hello beautiful," Cloud said smiling at his fiancée. "How was town?"

Tifa said nothing and went straight into the kitchen, dropping her basket on the table she finally spoke. "Horrible."

Cloud blinked and followed Tifa. "Tifa? What's wrong? What happened?"

"An angel came down and told me that Our Lord Vincent has chosen me to bear his child! Can you believe that?"

"What?" Cloud said, completely shocked. "Who does Lord Vincent think he is? Just picking random guy's girls and impregnating them! The nerve!"

"I know!" Tifa exclaimed. "And I don't even get to sleep with him or anything! I'm supposed to stay a virgin. It's not fair!"

"Yeah! Wait--" Cloud stopped in mid sentence. "You _want_ to sleep with Him?"

"Um, yeah. You've seen the pictures of Him. He's dead sexy." Tifa replied beginning to put things away. "You'd sleep with Him too, if you had the chance."

Cloud shrugged, "I do have to give you that one."

Cloud started to help Tifa around the kitchen with dinner when an idea struck him. "What are we going to name the child? James?"

"Nope."

"Why? I thought that you loved that name?" Cloud asked slightly upset.

"We can't. The angel told me that we had to name him Sephiroth." Tifa said turning to face Cloud. "So we had better get ready to have a baby, because I think that it's going to happen soon."

Cloud sighed, "Well there goes our honey moon. . ."

*** One year later ***

"What the hell is 'at light in the sky for?" King Cid asked. "And why on Earth are we followin' it?"

"Because God's messenger came and told us that the savior of men will be born beneath the brightest star on this day. We are to welcome him into this world as our king." King Nanaki replied to the ill-tempered king.

"Why are we makin' 'im king? Won't we have to give up our titles then?" Cid countered Nanaki.

"No," King Yuffie replied. "He shall be known as the king of kings. We are but one step below him."

"She is correct," Nanaki said smiling. "The king of—"

"Why the hell are you a king? Shouldn't you be considered a queen?" Cid interrupted Nanaki to ask the question to Yuffie.

"No." Yuffie responded. "Why?"

"Cause yer a girl." Cid stated snappishly.

Yuffie stopped in her tracks. "What?"

"Yer a girl! Therefore, yer a queen, not a king."

"Just because I don't have an extra appendage hanging from between my legs doesn't make me any less of a king than you! A king is the person with highest authority in a kingdom. I have the highest authority, therefore, I AM A KING!" Yuffie yelled at Cid, face flushed with anger.

Cid and Nanaki blinked stupidly at Yuffie's outburst. Nanaki was the one to speak first.

"You shouldn't have said that, Cid. You'll be lucky if she doesn't invade your lands next spring. She is a formidable foe."

"I dun give a shit. I'll crush her!"

"Hmph!" Yuffie said crossing her arms over her chest and turning her back to her companions. "At least I brought a sensible gift!"

"What do ya mean by that?" Cid asked, now fully on guard. Nanaki just shook his head. "Myrrh is a wonderful gift for someone who is supposed to be my king!"

"You don't even know what that is!"

"Yes I do! It's—It's—"

"See? Why can't men give reasonable gifts, like gold?"

Nanaki sighed. "Both Myrrh and Frankincense are quite valuable in their own right, and they are gifts for whom we shall deem our king. They should be the best. Now, we must put aside our differences or we will be late to see Him."

Sighing, Yuffie followed Nanaki's lead toward the bright star as Cid picked up the rear muttering about how he knew what his gift was.

_This is going to be interesting. . . _Was Nanaki's thought ad he lead the other two _kings_ away.

"I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!" Tifa shouted between contractions to her new husband. There was no hospital in the new town that they moved to, named Nibelheim. Therefore, she was giving birth in a small cottage on the edge of town. "HE'S GOING TO BE SO DEAD ONCE I'M DONE WITH HIM!"

"Calm down, miss," The woman of the house said trying to calm Tifa down. "The child is coming. You need to push now."

Tifa squeezed her husband's hand tighter and pushed, letting out quite a shout.

"I'll make a deal with you," Cloud said to his wife. "I'll hold him down, and you'll pound his lights out, but we have to get through this first."

"WE? What _We_? _You_ don't have to do a damn thing!" Tifa growled in Cloud's direction. "You don't have to suffer one bit!"

"I'm standing here holding your hand, and you have one hell of a grip. I am SUFFERING!" Cloud growled back, convinced that his hand would have to be amputated after this.

With the next contraction, Tifa squeezed Cloud's hand harder.

Then, within minutes, the child was born.

He was wrapped in blankets and laid into his mother's arms.

"Well," Cloud said peering down at the child. "He has your eyes."

Tifa chuckled and the turned to her child. "Hello, babe, I am Tifa, your mother."

The child looked up and slowly blinked, sighing as he leaned into his mother's bosom.

"Well," Cloud said, then he kissed Tifa's forehead. "At least he knows who his mother is. Watch him be one on those weird children who are obsessed with his mother."

"Cloud!" Tifa scolded and then gently ran her fingers over the soft down on the baby's head. "Don't say that."

Cloud chuckled as he sat down on the bed by Tifa. She laid her head on his shoulder and then head began to drag his fingers through her hair using his nails on her scalp. She let out a contented sigh and allowed her eyes to close.

"Y'know what," Cloud spoke quietly.

"What?" Tifa's response was followed by a small yawn.

"I'm not going to be able to call him Sephiroth. It's too weird. He's James to me for now on."

Tifa chuckled. "Just make sure that's it's okay with Him."

Cloud chuckled. "What do you mea—"

"Ma'am?" Cloud and Tifa heard a feminine voice say. "Are you there?"

Cloud growled. "Who is it?"

"It is I, King Yuffie, from the north. With me are King Nanaki and King Cid. We come bearing gifts for he who shall be named our king."

Cloud and Tifa looked at each other then in unison said, "What?"

The three kings entered the room, each bearing a gift.

Yuffie stepped forwards and placed her gift on the foot of the bed, "I come with the gift of gold, to represent his earthly king ship."

Nanaki stepped up next, and placed his gift next to the first one. "I come with the gift of Frankincense to represent his service to Our Lord Vincent."

Lastly, Cid dropped his gift next to the first two. "I bring Myrrh. It's supposed to represent how those who do not follow him will suffer and die. . . Or something like 'at. . . I don't really know."

Cid stepped back to stand next to the other two, then, as if rehearsed, the three bowed to Cloud and Tifa, then spoke, "We pledge our loyalty to Him, as our king."

Cloud and Tifa stared and each other then looked down at the child, who was no longer sleeping, but staring intently at the three. Slowly, a smile spread across his face.

"Umm. . . ," Cloud started. "I think that he accepts."

Tifa just nods in agreement, then asks, "He is a very special child, isn't he?"

"Yes, he is," Nanaki replied. "He is indeed destined for greatness, and this is only the beginning. . ."

*-*End*-*

Well, I hope that you enjoyed the story!

Merry Belated Christmas!!!


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